Someone needs to be the Donkey...

The week of our Lord's Passion began today, Palm Sunday, and we joined in praising Him with the crowds chanting, "Hosanna to the Son of David!" "Blessed is He who comes in the name of the Lord!" "Hosanna in the Highest!" On most Palm Sundays, I get emotional. In the Orthodox Church, we believe that all feasts, such as Palm Sunday and the events of Holy Week, for example, are not just annual remembrances of the events of that day– they are, instead, by the grace and condescension of God, a true participation in the event itself. The liturgical and spiritual reality of holy events are a gift from God – a condescension to us – not unlike the condescension of His incarnation. God gives Himself to us in our worship of Him. It is pretty mind boggling. Maybe that is why I get emotional, because I close my eyes and I see Him right in front of me, smiling at the praises of His people but also inwardly saddened at the denial he would face by these same people- by me...



What can I do to ensure that I please Him and truly live a life that glorifies Him, just as my verbal praises proclaim? If I allow Him to do as He pleases with my life. If I see Him as my creator and my redeemer and realize that my entire purpose in this life on earth is for Him- not for me. If I volunteer and say, "Take me! Take me to be your donkey!". Without the donkey, Christ wouldn't have been able to ride into Jerusalem and carry out our salvation. The donkey is the least of all animals, but Christ chose it for His good purpose. If He chose a donkey, don't you think He could choose us if we humble ourselves and allow Him to use our life for His glory...even if it means being like a donkey?

This was the message of today's sermon, and a message that God has been ingraining in my heart this entire Lent. Humility. And humility does not mean, like we so often think, thinking horrible thoughts of ourselves and how horrible we are. Humility means having a true assessment of who I am and who God is. Humility is the realization that we can do NOTHING without His help. This realization should draw us into prayer throughout the day, not out of obligation but out of complete desperation knowing that without this time of supplication before God, nothing fruitful or successful will come out of our day.




I have been so humbled as a mother, especially recently, realizing that whatever "perfect" plan I put in place or however hard I try, I am a mess on my own. No matter how many pep talks I give myself..."I won't lose my temper, I won't yell, I won't be upset"...I find myself falling day after day. I was convicted of my pride in thinking I'm just a "strong" woman, who can "handle it".

I desperately need a Savior.


And can it be that He needs me too? For so long, I have tried to be good enough for Him to use. But this week, He is telling me that I will never be good enough, and until I reach the point where I can admit that, He can't use me in the ways I want. The Holy Spirit is given to us in proportion to our humility. I can go through my life thinking that I can do things on my own; that if I read up enough on the best parenting techniques, I would be the best mom...if I read tons of spiritual books, I would become spiritual...if I served until the point of exhaustion, my service would somehow be more acceptable. No. I can do nothing at ALL WITHOUT HIM. Admitting this will give Him the invitation to come in and use me to glorify Him and bring more people to His Kingdom...just like the donkey...

Just "Be"

As I mentioned before, my goal for this Lenten season is to “declutter” from the inside and out. So far, I must say, it has been very freeing. There are a few things that I have cut out such as excess time on facebook, e-mail and texting, among other things, that I didn’t think would make such a difference, but taking these distractions out of my life has carved out some time and space that I didn’t even know was there. I have also been trying to resist the urge to plan something for the kids, or my husband and I, on any free time we may have. In the words of my wise mother, I am learning to just “be”.

During my high school years, I was constantly running from school to sports practices, games, and other extracurricular activities during the week. On most weekends, I’d want to spend time with my friends. There were times when my mom wouldn’t allow me to go out and insisted that I stay home. When I’d ask her why, she’d say, you just need to learn how to “be”. And if that wasn’t bad enough, I couldn’t even watch television while I was home away from all the fun. Of course I would throw a fit and tell her that she didn’t know what she was talking about but now, years later, I am starting to see the wisdom in her reasoning.

I strongly believe that one of the main reasons I don’t get bored as an adult is because of these years of “training” from my mom (and thank God for that because I have a lot of moments to myself as a PW!). Not only did I just learn to keep myself busy with a ton of different hobbies, reading, etc, but it was in those moments of quiet that I felt an emptiness that eventually led me into my journey with the Lord. Without having a second of quiet in my life, I may have never felt my desperate need for God and the bitter taste of life without Him. It was in those moments of just “being” where I could reflect on my life, when I tried my hardest to avoid it. God was always there, but in those moments when all the noise was moved away, I could finally see Him.

As a mother now, I can see how hard that must have been for my mom to tell me no when I’d ask to go out with friends or busy up my schedule. We parents take absolute joy in giving to our kids and allowing them to do things that make them happy. My kids are only 2 and 4 and it breaks my heart when I have to tell them no. I have the tendency to fill up their free time with playdates and activities so that they’ll be “enriched”, social, and entertained. But I often wrestle with the thought that, just as my mom did to me, I need to teach my children to just “be”. In fact, I believe that it is my responsibility as a mother to train my children in this "just being" way of life that has even become hard for us adults these days.

I need to trust that the same God who met me in those quiet and empty moments can and will meet my children too, even at their young age, and His presence- more than any activity, playdate, or form of entertainment- will enrich my children in more ways than any of these things can- I just have to believe it!

More time for the little things...

In my attempt to de-clutter and simplify around here, I've noticed that I've had more time and energy to enjoy the little things. When my mind is preoccupied with a million different things, I sometimes give my kids and those around me the short end of the stick, and that is something I want to change. My dad passed away almost 5 months ago, and I am still dealing with the reality of it. One lesson that continues to echo in my mind daily is to seize the day because we don't know how many we have left. What a shame if I would just spend my life being too busy for the most important people and things around me.

On that note, here are some good ways that I've found for the kids and I to spend good quality time together- enjoying life's little moments:

-When it rains, go outside with an umbrella (see above). I explain to my kids that God needs to pour the rain down so that the trees can start growing leaves again.
- "Bug Catching" (above and below). We found bug catching nets in the dollar area at Target. When the weather is decent, the boys go outside searching for bugs, leaves and other things to put in their nets. Actually, the other day we saw a bunny and the boys were chasing it with their nets...haha. This is a nice chance for them to be outside and exert some energy and its also a great walk for me.

-Library Days. This is an idea I remember from my mom when we were little. Choose a day to go to the library once a week or once every other week, and check out some books. That night when you come home, make popcorn and read books in Mommy and Daddys bed. This makes the kids excited about reading as they see it as a special event.
-Wooden Puzzles- I just discovered these. They are much easier than regular puzzles for preschoolers and toddlers and they keep the kids busy. We also like to do big puzzles together as a family, everyone has a role in finding and placing the pieces.
-Coloring and painting. I find that when I have the time to sit and actually paint or color with the kids, not only is it therapeutic and relaxing for me, but the kids really enjoy it and spend more time doing it compared to the times I just let them color on their own.
-Cooking. (I know, I need a girl!) The boys actually love helping me to cook and bake. I have them pour the ingredients and stir, and they love it. Hopefully they'll impress some ladies with their cooking skills later on in life ;-)

My Lenten Goal

We just got back from our road trip to Toronto and despite the fatigue that comes from traveling with two young children, I feel spiritually refreshed! I'm almost ready for this season of Lent that is coming up. I say "almost" ready, because I literally feel like I was just getting used to being able to eat-and cook- meat and dairy... :)

Even before my trip, this whole urge to "de-clutter" was building up inside of me. Maybe its a little bit because I'm genetically OCD (haha) or maybe it was really a message that God was trying to give me. Not so coincidentally, two of the women that I got to spend lots of time with on this trip were also feeling the same urge. One of the very practical de-cluttering tips I got is right here!

I'm planning to use the 55 days of Lent to physically clean out my home, and during this process, I am going to pray that God could spiritually "de-clutter" my mind and my spirit. As I clean up each room, and see which stuff needs to be thrown out, given away, or cleaned up, I will also pray that God reveals the things inside of me and the "stuff" in my life that needs to be cleaned up.


It's my prayer that during this process, my mind and heart will be cleared from clutter so that I can more diligently listen for God's voice. Exodus 15:26 (my quiet time the day before I left for vacation) says, "If you diligently heed the voice of the Lord your God and do what is right in His sight, give ear to His commandments and keep all His statutes, I will put none of the diseases on you which I have brought on the Egyptians. For I am the Lord who heals you." The part about diligently heeding His voice really spoke to me. Though I take "quiet time" every day, I also feel like my mind and heart are elsewhere, too cluttered to hear His voice. I may read His word every day, but I can't say that I diligently listen for His voice. I believe that listening for His voice, hearing what He has to say, and obeying it, will be life changing for me...even in just the little things.

Pray for me! I'll keep you posted on this process :)

Road Trip!

So I very spontaneously decided to take my kids on a road trip to tag along with my husband for a retreat he is doing for a sister mission church in Toronto! Even though it seemed spontaneous, I just found out that the other priest's wife from the church in Toronto had been "praying me over" for the past several weeks, asking God to find a way for me and the kids to come. I was very touched to hear that, and I think that's why I feel a general sense of peace and excitement about this trip. I'm actually looking forward to the car ride to get some relaxation and time to think and reflect. I'm going to download some sermons and songs to my iphone to keep me company along the way, and the kids will be busy sleeping and watching their movies (thanks to our new car and its DVD player :)).

I'm looking forward to our little adventure and I'm asking for prayers that the trip goes smoothly, safely, and peacefully. I also pray for a personal revival and time of refreshment for my spirit. I'll let you know how it goes!

Cute things my kids say and do...

This post may not make sense to anyone except me. I just want to document the things I remember about my boys so that I won't forget as time goes by. I have memory books for both of them, but there isn't enough room to capture everything. I think this is just another one of my attempts to freeze time and pretend they'll never grow up :)

Actually, speaking of growing up...
Me: Daniel, don't grow up, ok?
Daniel: No Mommy, I want to grow up
Me: Why?
Daniel: So I can have my birthday party
:)



Whenever Daniel is in the bathroom, he tells me to shut to door because he needs "some privacy please". But Timmy is always allowed in and says "pivasee mommy" and then shuts the door in my face..


This one made my heart melt...
The boys were pointing at my wedding ring and asking what it was for. I tried my best to explain to them that when Daddy knew that he loved me, he wanted to ask me if I would marry him (live with him in his house), and gave me the ring to show me how much he loved me. Then I explained that when they were older, they would find a girl they loved and ask that girl the same question. So I asked Daniel, "which girl are you going to ask to live with you?" I figured he would tell me one of the girls in his class, but he looked really seriously and said "But I want to live with you, Mommy"...I literally melted at that moment.


The other day we were at a friends house and Daniel asked if he could pray. Usually he says the same prayer they say at school (God is good, God is great, let us thank Him for our food...) But that day, he pulled one out of left field. He closes his eyes, folded his hands and very seriously sang (to the tune of "Oh Christmas Tree"):
'Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree, you are the Holy Spirit. Amen'
LOL- interesting theology, Daniel!

We were reading the book, "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" and Daniel kept asking why the Grinches heart was too small. And then he answered his own question and said, "Oh, is it because Jesus wasn't in his heart?" Yes, Daniel, that's exactly why. So now I add my own ending to the story, that as he came down and decided to like Christmas with the Who's, it was because he realized it was Jesus' birthday and he wanted Jesus to come in his heart. That will only last until the boys start to read ;)

And here is a dictionary of things my kids mispronounce. I never get sick of it. Makes me smile every time.
Mosquito bite = Riskeeto bite
Distract= Ristract
Hiccups= Piccups
Lemonade= nemandade
Veggietales= Beggietales
Alter= Walter

I can probably come up with a million more, but that's just a bit for now. I'm thankful for my boys' simple hearts and minds and how they make me smile every day.

Spring Fever!

Today felt like the first day of Spring! It might as well have been for us Virginians who have been trapped inside our homes for the past four months. After having school closed for snow just a few weeks ago, today was a breath of fresh air (pun intended) for my kids and I. We took full advantage of the weather and ventured off to the park. I was so excited to discover a great park right next to our home. The Ellanor C. Lawrence Park has two large play structures for the kids (safe for my two year old and challenging enough for my 4 year old), huge fields for open play, biking and hiking trails, and a picnic area.


Today's weather couldn't have come at a better time. One more day indoors would have been unhealthy for all of us. It's funny, because right around the onset of fall, I was exhausted from summer's activities and excited to begin a new season of days being forced to stay home and spend quality time together, and cozy nights drinking hot tea and reading. It seems that every season comes at the perfect time :)




This new season has also inspired me to start a new season in my life as well. The past few months seem like a blur from the business and clutter (ahhh the clutter!!) that have piled up in our house and in our family. With so many things that need to be done each day, and so many goals that I want to accomplish, I've been left in a whirlwind of events, to-do's, and did I mention the clutter?? I am praying that this new season be a season where as I begin to declutter and organize the outside, I can also declutter and organize myself on the inside...prioritize...Seek. First. His. Kingdom. More on that tomorrow!