God Alone

No one has ever fully embraced the concept of "God Alone" apart from grave disappointment. That is the painful truth. There have been moments in my life where I could have confidently said "all I need is God and nothing else", but had I been stripped away of my provisions and come face to face with the Provider, I would have to be honest with myself and admit that I would still feel like something is missing. When I speak of provisions, I'm not necessarily talking about material possessions. Relationships, comfort, and routine are also things that I hold on to in order to attain a sense of happiness or peace, but in the end, even these things don't satisfy. Even the most wonderful, Godly people and fruitful relationships will inevitably disappoint us at times, because it just doesn't make sense to expect of people or situations what only God can deliver. Even though we know this, so many of us find ourselves going back to these things over and over again thinking that maybe this time we will find what we are looking for.

So what should we do then? We have two choices: wrestle all of our lives with unmet expectations, or INTENTIONALLY rest our souls in God. Obviously, we would all choose to do the latter, but how? King David gives us some insight on how to use the disappointment we experience in people or situations as an opportunity to cling to God so that we can get to the point where we can truthfully say, "God ALONE". Goliath was nothing of the giant that Saul was to David. Saul was someone close to David, and someone that David looked up to at one point. Can you imagine how David felt when someone that close to him betrayed him and sought to kill him? Maybe we don't have friends turning against us or people wanting to kill us, but we've all experienced the feeling of disappointment in a person or situation that we thought was "the one" that would satisfy us.

One thing that David did that I have been practicing is really pouring my heart out to God- out loud. Instead of looking for a person to vent to or share my feelings with, I have been making a point to go to God first. Its natural for us to think that going to a person will make us feel better, but there are moments in our life when God closes doors to people so we are forced to come to Him. Psalm 62 is a wonderful example of when David did just that. After pouring out his heart to the Lord, David says in verse 5, "My soul, wait silently for God ALONE, for my expectation is from Him." So often we get impatient in our trials and impulsively run to people or things to give us the satisfaction that God is eager to give us...if only we would wait. Praying out loud has helped me to stay focused and also to feel that I am actually talking to the person of God, rather than wrestling with jumbled thoughts in my head. Doing this consistently allows me to actually get things off my chest and pour myself out so that God can fill me up with His peace, His joy, His direction, His guidance...all the while building a more intimate relationship with Him. If we are filled with feelings of discontentment, anger, confusion, etc, it will be hard to God to "fill us up" with these things and that's why its important to pour it all out and not bottle it up inside. I can't wait to get to the point where I am so satisfied in this place of rest that God gives that the next time a trial hits me, I will run to Him first instead of to others and be able to honestly say with David, "My soul, wait silently for God ALONE, for my expectation is from Him."

Seasons of Change

Hate is a strong word, so I will say this...I strongly dislike change, and as I grow, I'm realizing it more and more. I always order the same drink at Starbucks (chai: hot in the winter and iced in the summer); I always eat the same dish at the Cheesecake Factory (lemon herb roasted chicken); I like to follow the same weekly routines and keep things in my life as predictable as possible.

Ironically, in the past 8 years our life has been anything but predictable. We moved to Kenya twice (once before kids and once after) for over 6 months each time, all three of our children were not exactly planned (by us at least ;)), my mom was stricken by an extremely rare disease called Pick's around 8 years ago and became someone unrecognizable almost overnight, my dad passed away completely unexpectedly around a year ago, and here I am now in Fairfax, Virginia, my husband an ordained a priest for the Coptic Church...none of which we could or would have predicted at the beginning of our marriage.

So seeing that I dislike change, one would think that I would be miserable, but it has been quite the opposite! There is a special grace and blessing I've found in allowing God to take us places- both literally and spiritually- that doesn't necessarily make sense logically. This past Sunday, I was visiting a family with my husband and he shared his meditation about St. Mary and her thoughts and feelings when she was informed that she was pregnant (out of wedlock) with the Son of God. That isn't exactly easy news to swallow for a young girl who lived a very simple and most likely predictable life. This change would affect every part of her life- her emotions, her social life, her responsibilities, her daily routine, and so much more. She had two choices: obey God and submit to the plan He had for her life, or continue on with her life pretending she didn't hear Him.

Clearly, we know what her choice was. Was it an easy choice? NO. Was it an easy life? NO. But was she blessed? EXTREMELY. Was God glorified? TREMENDOUSLY.

We all have the same choice as St. Mary when God ordains some type of change in our life. We can obey and submit to His plan or we can act like we never even heard Him. If we choose the latter, our life will be simple, routine, and predictable, but it will never be blessed. I've had the blessing of experiencing this several times in my life, yet now when I am the verge of an eminent change, I still fear and long to cling to routine, stability, and predictability.

But as I write this post, I am reminded of an all too familiar verse, "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" Jeremiah 29:11. I make the decision to willingly submit to the upcoming changes that God has planned for us, with full confidence that even though tough times may lie ahead of us, there is blessing and glory at the end of the tunnel, and through it all, we have a heavenly Father who will hold our hand through it all.

Fla-Vor-Ice

Funny choice for a blog post, I know. These flavored popsicles actually hold great sentimental value for me. I was sitting outside with my kids eating them today when a flood of memories from my own childhood came rushing to my mind. The long summer days of playing with neighbors, going through sprinklers, going to the Detroit version of the "beach" with my parents...

How fleeting those moments were. I get a pit in my stomach when I think that the home which held the spirit we had known as children is empty, and those moments are gone. I could have never predicted the early death of my father, and my mother battling with dementia at such a young age. Life is simply unpredictable.

So as I sat outside with my kids tonight eating our popsicles, I focused not on the fact their shoes weren't on and their popsicles were spilling on their clothes. Instead, I focused on the sweet moment we were sharing, realizing that these moments also will pass.

As hard as it is sometimes to not wish it was time for the kids to go to bed so I can finally get some rest, I promised myself tonight to savor every single moment- good and bad- because these are the moments that one day we will wish would come back...

Spoiling our Kids...Just a Thought

I am always trying to make sure my kids are not spoiled. Of course I believe its important to discipline, after all, who wants to deal with spoiled brats? But the other day, God revealed something to me that really struck me...HE spoils US. While journaling, I was recalling the abundance of blessings in my life, one by one. After a while, I was a little overwhelmed. The amount of blessings certainly did not match up with my devotion, my service, or my sacrifice. In other words, I am doing NOTHING to deserve what He gives me, but that doesn't stop Him from giving.

With my kids, a lot of the time, I give them rewards based on what they have done, or not done. I know it is important to teach responsibility and of course not give them everything they ask for, but sometimes, I feel like we should just give to our kids simply because we love them. The other day, Daniel asked, "Mommy, can I have ice cream if I am behaving?" and I answered, "You can have ice cream because I love you." The sweet look on his face was priceless and reminded me that I should do it more often.



Kids gain an understanding of God's character mostly from the way their parents treat them. I want my kids to grow up confident of God's UNCONDITIONAL love for them. I don't want them to think of God as a stern parent always looking over their shoulders to make sure they aren't doing anything wrong.

Lord, fill me with Your Spirit so that my kids can see You and Your amazing love through me.

Heaven Isn't So Far Away...

It's been about 7 months since my dad passed away. Suddenly. There were no warning signs, no major health problems, nothing to prepare us for the news we heard on September 8, 2010. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about my dad and miss him. I have been wanting to blog about him for so long, but there is so much to say that it has been too overwhelming to narrow it down to one post. God's hand in the last years of my dad's life was the most powerful and touching example I have ever seen of God's love and His desire to save every single one of His children. I've journaled in detail the events that God orchestrated in the last years of my dad's life and one day will blog about it.

But for now, I want to talk about the window into heaven that we've been blessed with ever since my dad's departure. For the longest time, I imagined heaven to be a big room with pews where everyone was happily singing liturgical hymns and praising God- for all of eternity. I know I'm supposed to think that this is wonderful and that I couldn't think of doing anything else for an endless amount of years...but to be honest, I was always a little uneasy about this and was afraid (although I know its impossible) that I would be...well, bored in heaven. So when my dad passed, I remember crying to my priest and telling him I was sad just to think that my dad was going to miss out on so many wonderful experiences in this life like watching his grandkids grow up, enjoying his family, going on vacation, even just enjoying his relationship with God and the abundant life that God provides. My priest politely grinned and asked, "You really think all of this is something he's going to choose over his experience in heaven." At that point, I realized I knew nothing about heaven which was why my grief at that point was so great- I felt like I had lost my dad to this mysterious abyss that I knew nothing about. And that's when my obsession with heaven began. I started reading every book I could get my hands on that would give me a glimpse of what heaven really was about. I started to delve into my Church's view on heaven, the saints, and the liturgy- which we believe actually takes us into heaven. Thankfully, after all of this "research", God enlightened me to truly get a glimpse into heaven and my life hasn't been the same since.
I now am passionate about learning more about heaven and telling others about it. In fact, as Christians, I can't believe that most of us know nothing about heaven and yet we continue in our walks, not knowing anything about our final destination. We know that this world is not our home, but wouldn't it make such a big difference if we knew what our true home has to offer us?

I believe that all of us get glimpses of heaven that draw us to a place that we've never been before, but where we are all longing to go. I call it the "God feeling". It is the feeling you get when you are staring at the ocean, not able to see the other side. It is the feeling you get, when you are by yourself at night and you look up into the sky and see the stars and realize how big our world is. It's the sweet and fleeting moments of almost perfect love and fellowship you feel with your family, your kids, and your friends. I believe that this is the Holy Spirit drawing us to our eternal home, giving us hope that our souls will one day find their rest. It is our glimpse of hope in a world that seems hopeless, yet ours is a hope which demands nothing of time or earth, but seeks all in the world to come!
At first I was going to write about all the details I learned about heaven...but I think its a journey that God wants to take each and every one of us on. He gives us the Church,the Bible and His Holy Spirit which all give us amazing glimpses into heaven. I encourage you to take this journey and I guarantee that your perspective on life will completely change...for the better!

The Invisible Mother

I absolutely love this piece. I am sharing it from another mom's blog.

Invisible Mothers

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store.

Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't you see I'm on the phone?'

Obviously not; no one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all.

I'm invisible - The invisible Mom.

Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more.

"Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this?"

Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, 'What time is it?'

I'm a satellite guide to answer, 'What number is the Disney Channel?'

I'm a car to order, 'Right around 5:30, please.'

I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude - but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She's going, she's going, she's gone!

One night, a group of us were having dinner,celebrating the return of a friend from England. Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well.

It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, 'I brought you this.' It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription:
'To Charlotte, with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.'

In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work: No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names. These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished. They made great sacrifices and expected no credit. The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.

A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, 'Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it.'

And the workman replied, 'Because God sees.'

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, 'I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become.'

At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride.

I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.

When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, 'My Mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table.' That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, 'You're gonna love it there.'

Someone needs to be the Donkey...

The week of our Lord's Passion began today, Palm Sunday, and we joined in praising Him with the crowds chanting, "Hosanna to the Son of David!" "Blessed is He who comes in the name of the Lord!" "Hosanna in the Highest!" On most Palm Sundays, I get emotional. In the Orthodox Church, we believe that all feasts, such as Palm Sunday and the events of Holy Week, for example, are not just annual remembrances of the events of that day– they are, instead, by the grace and condescension of God, a true participation in the event itself. The liturgical and spiritual reality of holy events are a gift from God – a condescension to us – not unlike the condescension of His incarnation. God gives Himself to us in our worship of Him. It is pretty mind boggling. Maybe that is why I get emotional, because I close my eyes and I see Him right in front of me, smiling at the praises of His people but also inwardly saddened at the denial he would face by these same people- by me...



What can I do to ensure that I please Him and truly live a life that glorifies Him, just as my verbal praises proclaim? If I allow Him to do as He pleases with my life. If I see Him as my creator and my redeemer and realize that my entire purpose in this life on earth is for Him- not for me. If I volunteer and say, "Take me! Take me to be your donkey!". Without the donkey, Christ wouldn't have been able to ride into Jerusalem and carry out our salvation. The donkey is the least of all animals, but Christ chose it for His good purpose. If He chose a donkey, don't you think He could choose us if we humble ourselves and allow Him to use our life for His glory...even if it means being like a donkey?

This was the message of today's sermon, and a message that God has been ingraining in my heart this entire Lent. Humility. And humility does not mean, like we so often think, thinking horrible thoughts of ourselves and how horrible we are. Humility means having a true assessment of who I am and who God is. Humility is the realization that we can do NOTHING without His help. This realization should draw us into prayer throughout the day, not out of obligation but out of complete desperation knowing that without this time of supplication before God, nothing fruitful or successful will come out of our day.




I have been so humbled as a mother, especially recently, realizing that whatever "perfect" plan I put in place or however hard I try, I am a mess on my own. No matter how many pep talks I give myself..."I won't lose my temper, I won't yell, I won't be upset"...I find myself falling day after day. I was convicted of my pride in thinking I'm just a "strong" woman, who can "handle it".

I desperately need a Savior.


And can it be that He needs me too? For so long, I have tried to be good enough for Him to use. But this week, He is telling me that I will never be good enough, and until I reach the point where I can admit that, He can't use me in the ways I want. The Holy Spirit is given to us in proportion to our humility. I can go through my life thinking that I can do things on my own; that if I read up enough on the best parenting techniques, I would be the best mom...if I read tons of spiritual books, I would become spiritual...if I served until the point of exhaustion, my service would somehow be more acceptable. No. I can do nothing at ALL WITHOUT HIM. Admitting this will give Him the invitation to come in and use me to glorify Him and bring more people to His Kingdom...just like the donkey...