Inspired by reading my friend's blog entitled, "freed to live", I decided to start my own blog entitled "freed to love". Though its one of the most basic concepts of Christianity, to have "freedom in Christ" always seemed kind of vague to me.
It was not until recently that God gave me the grace to start understanding and experiencing what this meant. Being the control freak that I am, I have always wanted things around me to be perfect. And for the most part, without even realizing it, I was busy trying to control everything in my life so that things would be just that- "perfect". But out of His love, God started putting things in my life that I just could not control, no matter how hard I tried: two active boys under 3 years old, a mother with severe dementia, a strained relationship with a close family member, and many other circumstances that I just had no control of.
God recently opened my eyes to see that my joy and peace have been depending on my outside circumstances instead of solely on Him. If my kids had a good day, I was happy. If my relationships were where I wanted them to be, I was ok. But if not, I would lose my peace and joy. While reading a verse that I read 1,000 times before, it struck me. "I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." The only place I would find true peace and joy that will never be taken away from me is in Him! He cannot just be one aspect of my life, He has to be EVERYTHING. If that happens, then I am already full and satisfied in Him, and whether or not the situations around me are good or bad, I'll be ok because I am IN HIM. I realized that once I experience His love, and get filled with the love of Christ, instead of the love of people- I will be free to love others, and whether or not they love me back is ok, because I am loving them with the love that Christ put inside of me, not a conditional love that is only satisfied when someone loves me back.
I feel like God has brought me to a new place with this new outlook on things. And I didn't really do anything to get here, I just simply asked Him in prayer and the Holy Spirit did the rest. Now, I am just at the very beginning, but I feel like I have a new freedom to love and to give, without being hesitant because I'm afraid of getting hurt. I realized that God is my all in all and He is more than enough to supply all of my needs.
So what am I doing practically? I'm letting nothing get in the way of my time with Him. When my kids go down for their nap, I usually get to cleaning my house and taking care of the million things I have to do. Now, I force myself to drop everything, grab my Bible and spiritual books and sit with Him. I'm holding on to that promise of "Seek first the kingdom of heaven and His righteousness, and ALL these things shall be added unto you...". I used to be so paranoid about my kids watching any television, but now I will let them watch for half an hour if I didn't get a chance to do my quiet time during the day. I figured its better for my kids to have a mom who is filled with God, rather than no television and an empty mom.
Please pray that God would continue His work in me :) I am a priest's wife, and I feel like this freedom to love will be so important in our service to Him. I've realized that I will face a lot of disappointment if I look around me for love and satisfaction instead of looking to Him.